When Therapy Misses the Mark
Why Feeling Safe Matters More Than Insight
Key Point
Healing in therapy starts with feeling safe and understood, not with insight or interpretation.
When Therapy Misses the Mark: Why Feeling Safe Matters More Than Insight
I recently asked people a simple question:
What do therapists sometimes get wrong?
The responses came in fast. And what stood out wasn’t how extreme they were. It was how consistent they were.
A lot of people said the same things.
They felt talked at.
They felt analyzed instead of understood.
And sometimes they were asked to imagine a better future when they were barely surviving the present.
Insight Isn’t the Same as Feeling Understood in Therapy
Therapy often emphasizes insight. Understanding patterns. Connecting dots. Making sense of the past. Reframing thoughts or behaviors.
And insight can be helpful. It really can.
But insight without emotional safety often doesn’t land.
When someone is overwhelmed, grieving, or living in survival mode, being told why they feel the way they do isn’t always what they need. Even if the explanation is accurate. Even if it’s well intentioned.
Instead of feeling supported, people can end up feeling studied. Or fixed. Or subtly pushed to move forward before they’re ready.
That can make therapy feel less like a place of healing and more like a place where something is being done to you.
When You’re Surviving, the Future Feels Far Away
There’s a particular kind of disconnect that happens when someone is asked to imagine hope, growth, or a better version of themselves while they’re just trying to get through the day.
If your nervous system is overwhelmed, your body isn’t thinking about the future. It’s focused on one thing: safety.
Am I okay right now?
Am I safe here?
Is anyone actually with me in this?
Before therapy can help someone change, it has to help them feel safe enough to stay present.
Emotional Safety Is the Foundation of Good Therapy
Feeling safe, seen, and not alone in therapy is not a bonus. It’s the foundation.
Emotional safety can look like slowing down instead of pushing for insight.
It can look like letting emotions exist without immediately trying to fix them.
It can look like naming how painful something is instead of reframing it too quickly.
When someone feels genuinely understood, their nervous system begins to settle. And that settling is what makes deeper work possible.
Insight that comes after safety feels different. It feels usable. It feels grounding instead of overwhelming.
Understanding Comes Before Interpretation
There’s an important difference between being understood and being interpreted.
Being understood sounds like, “That makes sense given what you’ve been through.”
Being interpreted can feel like being labeled instead of listened to.
Both understanding and interpretation have a place in therapy. But timing matters.
When interpretation comes too soon, it can feel distancing. When understanding comes first, interpretation feels collaborative rather than imposed.
Most people don’t need to be figured out right away. They need to feel supported, not managed.
Wanting Safety in Therapy Is Not Asking Too Much
Wanting to feel safe in therapy is not asking for too much. It’s asking for what allows healing to happen at all.
Insight matters. Growth matters. Change matters.
But none of it sticks without connection first.
Sometimes the most therapeutic thing isn’t a breakthrough, a reframe, or a new perspective. Sometimes it’s having someone sit with you exactly where you are and not try to move you out of it too quickly.
Questions to Reflect On
When you think about past therapy experiences, did you feel more understood or more analyzed?
What helps you feel emotionally safe when you’re sharing something difficult?
If therapy felt more supportive and less rushed, how might that change your experience of it?
About the Author
Christopher Morrison is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Nationally Board-Certified Music Therapist (MT-BC). He is the owner of Mind & Melody Therapy Services and provides trauma-informed psychotherapy and music therapy for adults, including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Trauma-Focused CBT, and the Bonny Method of Guided Imagery and Music (GIM). Christopher offers in-person music therapy services in the Berkshires, Massachusetts, and virtual therapy for adults in Pennsylvania, Colorado, and Delaware, supporting clients’ healing from childhood trauma, anxiety, and emotional neglect.
