Stop Chasing “Why”: A New Way to Approach Your Emotions
Sometimes healing doesn’t begin with understanding—it begins with allowing.
Key Point
Shifting from “Why is this happening?” to “How can I respond with care?” opens the door to real emotional transformation.
When Struggle Hits, We Ask “Why?”
When faced with uncertainty, inner conflict, trauma, depression, or anxiety, a natural and very human response is to ask:
“Why?”
Why am I feeling this way?
Why is this happening to me?
Why can’t I make it stop?
We often pour our time, energy, and resources into finding the answer to that question. And that makes sense. We’ve been taught to approach life’s problems with logic and investigation.
In the medical world, we run tests to diagnose what’s wrong so we can treat it. If there’s a glitch in a system at work, we trace it back to the source and fix it. This mindset is effective—it saves lives, improves outcomes, and drives progress.
The Problem with the Problem-Solving Mindset
It’s no surprise that we often bring this same mindset to mental health.
When anxiety shows up regularly, we treat it like a problem to solve.
We analyze it. Dissect it. Try to find the root cause.
And sometimes this works. Sometimes a specific pattern or behavior is contributing to emotional distress, and once we spot it, we can make helpful changes.
But often, this relentless pursuit of “why” starts to backfire.
Instead of relief, we get stuck in overthinking.
Instead of clarity, we spiral into shame.
We start to think:
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I figure this out?
Why am I still feeling like this after everything I’ve learned?
These questions seem helpful on the surface, but they often carry an undertone of blame. The more we try to “figure out” our emotions, the more broken we may feel for not having them solved already.
A Different Path: Ask “How” and “What”
Sometimes, healing doesn’t start with answers—it starts with permission.
Permission to feel what you’re feeling.
Permission to not have it all figured out.
Permission to be human.
Instead of asking, “Why is this happening?”
Try gently shifting to:
How can I respond to this in a way that’s kind and supportive?
What’s one small thing I can do to care for myself in this moment?
These are present-focused questions. They shift us from mental analysis to emotional presence. They reduce shame and increase compassion. They help us move forward, even when we don’t have all the answers.
Emotions Aren’t the Enemy
When we resist difficult emotions—anxiety, sadness, grief, anger—we cut off a vital part of ourselves. We lose the ability to listen to what those emotions are trying to say. We disconnect from our emotional wisdom.
The more we try to fix, avoid, or override these parts of us, the more distant we become from our own humanity.
Let yourself feel. Let yourself be.
Challenge the idea that emotions are inconvenient or irrelevant.
Because somewhere between your thinking mind and your feeling heart is a deeper wisdom.
And that’s where healing begins.
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Key Point
Shifting from “Why is this happening?” to “How can I respond with care?” opens the door to real emotional transformation.
Questions to Consider
What would it look like for me to respond to my emotions with care rather than control?
When I feel anxious or overwhelmed, what am I tempted to do—and is that helping or hurting me?
What emotion have I been resisting that might just need space to be felt?
About the Author
Christopher Morrison is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Pennsylvania and a Nationally Board-Certified Music Therapist. He has
specialized training in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), EMDR, the Bonny Method of Guided Imagery & Music, and
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy. As the owner of Mind & Melody Therapy Services, he works as both a psychotherapist and music
therapist, helping adults heal from childhood trauma and reconnect with their inner child. His approach fosters self-compassion,
emotional healing, and personal growth.
